Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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