You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
