Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
