I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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