I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
