You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
birth control should be required to get into college
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
