Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
