Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize