She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
