So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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