Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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