So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
