Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
