these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were trust falling into bushes
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize