Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
