The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
