Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
