as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
