I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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