After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
