I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
