I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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