She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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