Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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