i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
