I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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