Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
