i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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