I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize