I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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