I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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