i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
