And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize