Sponge bath it is.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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