I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
