He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
