just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
