honey bunches of taint.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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