This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
