i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dear god my vagina.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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