Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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