Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
