I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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