I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
