PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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