is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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