she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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