Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
