She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
