32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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