Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize