all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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