I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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