What did we do last night that was yellow?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
