I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
