I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
