I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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