i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
