Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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