My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
