I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
