You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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