i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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