U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
