just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
