in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
