saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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