her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
