why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
