The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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