Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
