after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
