Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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