Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize