im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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