He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
