after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
