you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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