What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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