The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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