I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
