So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
