When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
