My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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