I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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