It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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