This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
