Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
