I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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