"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
