Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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