I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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