I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
